Break The Glass

Sometimes you need to break & shatter a little bit before you can see the pressure point that made it all happen. Or two. Or five. Or all over your artistic soul. In the end it doesn't really matter though because it's there. So now what?

It's something I'm struggling with a lot lately.  A day or two ago I reached out on my Instagram about my feelings (or the non-existence off it) as I've been battling something that is not an artblock. I was battling something that goes way deeper and more personal. I didn't "feel" my art anymore. Everything I looked at, new and old that I've created; only showed something like a canvas that all looked the same over and over again. It was hard. It still is hard. I feel like I've lost who I am, what I love and am passionated about and the ability to put those tiny fragments of my soul in each and every piece I create (except for a short few months, I'm still looking back on those because thats where it started to happen and it made me launch *this* thing.

It's fine though. Really. It is. I just realised that. After finally allowing myself to break under all these pressure points and literally looking at all these tiny pieces on the ground in my head. I didn't "lose" myself. I've just grow so much in such a short time as a person but due expectations from personal goals and focussing on the theoretical & administrational side of my business; putting my clients first (with all of my love & attention) and making sure all of that went fine. I'm still living "the old me" and trying to "fit the old me into the new me".

As artist, you grow as much as your artistic style does. A lot. It can be in a short time or a long time; it can be an amazing new insight in a technique. Though if you don't upgrade your vision of what you do with what you have learned, it doesn't work as great because after a few times ... it becomes repetitive.

And you know whats funny? I learned this because right now I'm sick. I had to cancel a reveal today as I'm afraid to contaminate them & a really epic blossom shoot saturday as I couldn't find the materials and I don't have the energy or vibes. However, tomorrow I nééd to be in the studio as it's a big production that involves a two people coming from far, already scheduled for ages ... re-scheduling would be too hard & considering it's a paid job. I just needed to do it as well. We realised that after a 1,5 hour skype call. Sometimes, you just need to push through the pain & crash later with a few liters of green tea and the bioshock collection in front of you.

Now before I continue there is something important I want to (re)tell: as I said before here, I was/am battling some serious issues regarding my creative flow. I don't feel it anymore. Nothing excites me. I don't "get" my light & posing, retouching doesn't fill me with joy. It has become bandwork; neverending; administration is suffocating me & I have so much on my head & heart to make things work. It's not cool & its been going on for a few months increasing in strength. There was just so much going on & my heart couldn't take it anymore.

When I was in the shower, minutes after the skype call I realised something important: I was excited. I felt these amazing little butterflies I always felt before a production when I'm overthinking the "how" and "what" . Posing? Styling? Light? I was covering all that in my head. I was thinking on how to tell the story. And I am excited for it. I'm sitting here with some painkillers against my headach and the first little nibs of food after a rough night yet (I barely ate past day+ because I was so nauseous) . And I am looking forward to tomorrow. Somehow. I don't know how I will get through it, but I will be on set & I am looking forward to it. For the first time in ages.

On my Instagram, someone commented I "should wait for the storm to break the glass" . Maybe, poetically said, I should just become the storm myself. Life isn't a fairytale but I believe that a big part is something we have in our own hands. Mostly: how do we deal with the situations thrown at us? I think thats what the universe has been trying to tell me. Back in England, I encountered a robin twice very close by. The first time when I was shooting on set with beauty Ophidia & I was feeling happy. Simply creating something. The second time was a few days later, after I heard I needed to pay my rent for july (new appartment) in advance & it messed up some plans I had (it was a big bite of my finances I had ready for a series of big projects). That was the "last drop" as we call it and I had a little personal tantrum outside (I did had the most epic view ever though, there are worse places to throw a little tantrum ... haha). And just when I took that deep breath & asked myself if I was doing something wrong myself; the robin appeared in front of me. Inches of where I was sitting, looking at me. For a minute we where just there and it felt like such a sign from above (I'm a sceptical believer in such things) ... it felt so real. Being home now, trying to get things straight, reading my cards the same happened. And now I'm here. Writing this down. Realising, sometimes you don't have to wait for the storm as it's just another excuse. Sometimes, your life is all in your hands and its up to you on how you deal with what life gives you. And I've been doing it all wrong for so long.

I'm still upset I'm sick & nauseous, I'm upset I had to reschedule & I have such a pile of work ahead of me and a household to run. But I can choose to do it and just go for it. Not with the idea of the neverending routine I am in (and thats killing me) but I can look at it from a point of view it's just another day in the life of a freelancer & I can create my little adventures myself. Be it going out with a friend, creating time to game, taking time with family, book a budget trip for a few days. Working on my shoots from scratch & push myself. There is so much I can do. And it shouldn't include feeling the dread of a neverending work of line like a 9-to-5-job I hate & never want to do (and have created for myself) that will kill me. I was stuck in the past & refusing to give up things & ideas I had in my mind.

Being an artist can suck, as we think so much. On the other hand, if you do it right, you can look at life like it's a lifetime series project you can tweak, redesign & revisit. Make moodboard for (you can dump) and revamp. Thats how life is in the end. And we, as artists, can decide how we approach it & make it something beautiful.



Forndom has been on repeat for the past 3 or 4 days now. While I just have an hour of music on my Spotfiy from them, it resonates deeply within my soul. As often, I find myself in music & how music is often a representation of a remembrance of a certain time or place in my life. I would have music on repeat for hours & days straight and indulge myself in it. It's happening again now and I'm slowly seeing the pattern in it.

I'm about an hour and a half away from packing myself up and leaving to the Netherlands tonight to meet up with Richard & prepare myself for my very first groupsworkshop (and right away one that's international too). I'm currently in a haze of reality. Everything feels surreal, like a switch has been turned on or off and a new chapter has been creeping up for the past week and suddenly launched itself full force at me.

Yesterday I had an amazing lecture in a castle nearby Brussel about pricing & marketing with four other photographers. For the first time in my life, I was able to fully embrace myself for myself and on stage in all of my "self". I've always been hiding my weirdness, out of shame & the feelings of judgement. Me in my bright yellow cyborg Mitmunk leggings and my purple-teal-yellow-winged bagpack with huge cicada earrings by Cu Nature. Calling myself a business owner & freelancer, European qualified photographer and professional educator. Two things I never thought I would achieve yet always desired to have. To be able to feel & know myself, to become "someone" that is more & not fading into no existence like I always felt.

Yesterday I had to get up at six to be back in Antwerp on time after having a late meet-up for one of the coolest jobs ever. Also one of the coolest I will ever have in my entire career. I will be out for an entire week traveling with a family & people dear to my heart.

I'm sitting here trying to bring these feelings down into words. It's something .. strange, something I've always felt for as long as I can remember when spring was slowly creeping up. It's that thing in the air & it always felt there, but never it was *there* for real. Today, this time ... it all seems to fall together. It's been an incredibly rough time for me, 2017 so far, despite all the awesomness. Yet at the same time I constantly felt my sixth-sense-reassurance all would be fine. It has helped me through most of it, with the worst falling my on beloved boyfriend who is the most amazing human I've ever got to meet and share my life with so far. Having someone who can handle who I am, with all my emotions and outbursts in all shapes and sizes, who can admire the idea of an ambitious girlfriend and has no issues with it that she runs a more or less successfull business ... It's something unusual. He's been my everything in my life I've realized. Together with my parents.

And these here of course. Everything reading, following & sharing. Yesterday someone came up to me after the lecture & she told she came specifically to meet me & see me speak. After googling me. ME. This "Laura-is-almost-26" photographer. I've seen people speak about me & my work and what I mean for them, that they admire what I do & how I inspire them. Directly & indirectly. I've had messages and emails about it. It's something ... insane. I hear clients talk about my blogs, I see people refer to old blogs in conversations and how I inspired them.

It's easy with social media to only see the awesome. For me it's been a struggle to accept this because I didn't feel I was good enough as a person. I still struggle with it, but at the same time I've been able to accept *this* personality I am. I found peace, somehow. After all these times & years. And it's one I feel more ready to embrace then ever before; because I'm doing being sad over what I (didn't) get & got.

I found myself. And it's fucking awesome.

A Client Blog

There was a while I didn't blog at all & then the time happened that blogging came on a second place in the chaos. But like it often goes: I fell sick (damn flu!) and I'm catching up on all those tiny things I always wanted to do but never got around too because sitting still is something I just cannot do. One of the things I wanted to do was finally catching up on my client blogs once & for all. I can not always show everything and when I can, I only try to show the best in my portfolio. But on this blog I can show it all.

Here are most of the clients I've had the honour to photograph in the last few months (and I am allowed to share) with all of you! There are many more but those have mostly been shared on my facebook and/or blog already or are from before the time I had my own studio & worked from home out. Its still amazing to see them together like this so maybe one day I will make an entire 2016/2017 one-year-in-business-blog!

Model - Kasia
MUA - Kika von Macabre
Mask/Halo/Chestpiece - Hysteria Machine
Claws - Arma Medusa
Photography - Sheridan's Art

Model - Antigone
Mask - Hysteria Machine
Photography - Laura Sheridan's Art

Model - Kim
Halo & Chestpiece - Hysteria Machine
Photography - Sheridan's Art

Model - Heidi
MUA - Kika von Macabre
Headpiece - Hysteria Machine
Photography - Sheridan's Art

Model - Gizzy Lovett - Photography & Model
Makeup - Kika von Macabre
Head- & Shoulderpiece - Hysteria Machine
Photography - Sheridan's Art

Model/MUA - Fairytale Prince
Crown - Hysteria Machine
Collar - Renaissance Attic
Armor - Mytholon
Cloak - El Costurero Real
Photography - Sheridan's Art

This was a special day! Check the blog for the full story & the other shots I've made with her.

Model - Lady V
MUA - Kika von Macabre
Hand Jewelry - Arma Medusa
Photography - Sheridan's Art

Lookbook Collaboration - Thrjar

I've been an admirer of Daria Endresen her work since the day Renee Robyn shared an article on her page. Shortly after - like life goes - I got in touch with the photographer herself and a big plan got born as she also was the brain behind the jewelry brand Thrjar.

Long story short, we decided to collaborate and this is the first result featuring some of her incredible designs! I asked my dear friend & muse Fox & Lionheart to model these designs as she has the most incredible hands and she also had this "feel" I was looking for.

Shooting jewelry & couture from some incredible designers lately has been filling up my time & I'm thinking to slowly add this "lookbook-shooting" to my permanent service as well as photographer. It's something I've rekindled and incredible passion for and I'm also finally feeling confident enough to make this an actual service. I had the honour to shoot a real lookbook once already and I have bookings for two more others soon. So who knows where this will bring me too! For now though I'm really enjoying this collaboration with Thrjar. I hope you enjoy as well!

Model - Fox & Lionheart
Cloak - El Costurero Real
Jewelry - Thrjar
Photography & Retouch - Sheridan's Art

A Lifestream Blog

Just now I tried the new feature on Instagram to use the "livestream" function and it turned out absolutely amazing! For a few hours I've been chatting, answering questions & editing all together with those who joined in.

I promised I would show the final results & the entire process of original - raw edit & final image later on my blog. So here they're!

I'm looking into more options to do this over time as it's something I really enjoy doing. For now I hope you enjoy the results! These are from older sets and I just experimenced with it and went with the creative flow.

Veil Set - Model: Fox & Lionheart
Crown Set: Model - Punzel; MUA - Margot; Crown - Agnieszka Osipa
Dark Set - Model & Costume: La Dutchessa