Unified

Forndom has been on repeat for the past 3 or 4 days now. While I just have an hour of music on my Spotfiy from them, it resonates deeply within my soul. As often, I find myself in music & how music is often a representation of a remembrance of a certain time or place in my life. I would have music on repeat for hours & days straight and indulge myself in it. It's happening again now and I'm slowly seeing the pattern in it.

I'm about an hour and a half away from packing myself up and leaving to the Netherlands tonight to meet up with Richard & prepare myself for my very first groupsworkshop (and right away one that's international too). I'm currently in a haze of reality. Everything feels surreal, like a switch has been turned on or off and a new chapter has been creeping up for the past week and suddenly launched itself full force at me.

Yesterday I had an amazing lecture in a castle nearby Brussel about pricing & marketing with four other photographers. For the first time in my life, I was able to fully embrace myself for myself and on stage in all of my "self". I've always been hiding my weirdness, out of shame & the feelings of judgement. Me in my bright yellow cyborg Mitmunk leggings and my purple-teal-yellow-winged bagpack with huge cicada earrings by Cu Nature. Calling myself a business owner & freelancer, European qualified photographer and professional educator. Two things I never thought I would achieve yet always desired to have. To be able to feel & know myself, to become "someone" that is more & not fading into no existence like I always felt.

Yesterday I had to get up at six to be back in Antwerp on time after having a late meet-up for one of the coolest jobs ever. Also one of the coolest I will ever have in my entire career. I will be out for an entire week traveling with a family & people dear to my heart.

I'm sitting here trying to bring these feelings down into words. It's something .. strange, something I've always felt for as long as I can remember when spring was slowly creeping up. It's that thing in the air & it always felt there, but never it was *there* for real. Today, this time ... it all seems to fall together. It's been an incredibly rough time for me, 2017 so far, despite all the awesomness. Yet at the same time I constantly felt my sixth-sense-reassurance all would be fine. It has helped me through most of it, with the worst falling my on beloved boyfriend who is the most amazing human I've ever got to meet and share my life with so far. Having someone who can handle who I am, with all my emotions and outbursts in all shapes and sizes, who can admire the idea of an ambitious girlfriend and has no issues with it that she runs a more or less successfull business ... It's something unusual. He's been my everything in my life I've realized. Together with my parents.

And these here of course. Everything reading, following & sharing. Yesterday someone came up to me after the lecture & she told she came specifically to meet me & see me speak. After googling me. ME. This "Laura-is-almost-26" photographer. I've seen people speak about me & my work and what I mean for them, that they admire what I do & how I inspire them. Directly & indirectly. I've had messages and emails about it. It's something ... insane. I hear clients talk about my blogs, I see people refer to old blogs in conversations and how I inspired them.

It's easy with social media to only see the awesome. For me it's been a struggle to accept this because I didn't feel I was good enough as a person. I still struggle with it, but at the same time I've been able to accept *this* personality I am. I found peace, somehow. After all these times & years. And it's one I feel more ready to embrace then ever before; because I'm doing being sad over what I (didn't) get & got.

I found myself. And it's fucking awesome.